2006 is closing in... up nxt is 2007, our showdown year. o lvls la, for some hu nt quite sure. recently i discovered i had nt been realy into studying, and my hwk were incomplete... haiz... about a week left to sch reopening, stil nid to prepare for cca orientation and campfire. curse me for my luck for being an SPL... duno y MOE alow points to b deducted via cca and affliation.. it's quite unfair la, come to think of it. tt's y i have to persevere both scouts and drum lo.
my hols were somehow fully occupied la, for cca and church and outings, so hwk veri hard to find time do... but all these excuses la, in the end stil blame myself for bad time management... blah blah. today i camped at sam's hse from ytd, where i chiong from bugis to my hse then to his hse again, on da way walked someone home, then reached home like... 9pm?! omg late late liao, chiong to sam's hse ar!!! in the end, go dere jus to b a bit bored and play halo2 thru the nite until like 6am. until now still feel a bit regretful..
afta dis gt a bit mood swing oso... hai... realised i had so much to do. tot tt afta the camp can at least rest for sometime, but NO... still gt camp orientation de thing prep and campfire... trying to flood my head wif songs of praise and worship to calm down and clear my mind, but too tired to do anything though. do my best ba, jiayou ba!! haha.. ytd actually damn HIGH de, but today slightly below mediocre... blehx xP.. aww.. jus pray tt everything'd b managed rite on time...
ambivalence
accepted christ. afta tt, then wat? wat is happening to me? the devil.. is it's jus me? omg, guess im becoming more of samson... NONONO. haiz... so many things to take care of... even during prayers i still cant feel GOD... ?!?! howeva, suddenly listen to those worship songs... suddenly so calm. ohmygosh... wad's wif me?
mebbe it's still becuz of my own worries... tips, anyone? cuz i dont think i can even hold on lidat. everytime see myself restrict from the others, *ugh* ... duno y i cant talk oso... true... so i should still jus try b more open.
or mebbe it's jus i nt used to being disciplined. nt willing to sacrifice some things for God... esp one of the 3 Gs mentioned... dont want to say lidat, but u'll noe. mebbe cuz i jus nid 2 b loved and to love, jus to haf tt person to help, serve, depend, trust... of jus to haf more frens which i currently unable to. still, tips anyone? pls help... *ugh*..
Relieved, but not so relieved
lols... 1 wk of rushing ova, but gt another wk coming... gotta eudure, JY! hahas lol i sound stupid...
went to church event today, a.k.a 24. 24 hrs of non-stop worshipping service to all participants!! isnt tt cool?! lol, i didnt stay ova nite.. haha i spoiled it. fun man... kena converted, screamed like nvr b4, sang like so damn hard, now sore throat >.< ... guess some things come wif consequences...
so a part of burden was lifted.. suddenly reach home then sian... duno wat happened, but sth felt missing lidat... suddenly so lonely... mus ask god y is so. sian, no mood to write oso... guess dis is da best i can do.
1st step of my life changed. now mus cont to serve so He will bless us all in faith, and... waaah stress sia, still nid manage scouts and studies... (calm down man~) signing off~
falling back down... cant be
sian arhhhh... ... ... ... ... ... ... hols lidat gone so fast, if i carry on lidat, might as well ready to prepare for sch early, cuz hols will end soon. wtf lar... so many things to concern... head if nt burst then is explode, or implode. haiz
today kena scolded by mr lee... haiz wtf; nth to say, cuz is nt his fault, is mine... so sad man, and helpless, hope it's not hopeless yet... afta join vacational bible sch at HOGc, then v busy, still nid do dis do tt... sekali i become plan maniac. esp fone calls to make... hate tt fucking part man, fone bill 'boom' liao lar, plus too lazy to msg... so sucky, wa lau hand and fingers tired liao lar msg msg msg... wish i could jus scream my lungs out. then some more afta msg then if gt amendments mus call again... wtffff man...
about church. still couldnt feel wat is known as 'presence of God'. should i b christian mah? my parents object leh, i myself haf doubts bout God, but i wana feel God, wana feel sth diff, wana haf my life changed and break free from being a fucking shy introvert. hate being tt... always go somewhere then diam diam... dare nt speak out... haiz.... then recently i oso signed up for courses in church... too bad lar my fault oso, should i haf known bout my position and schedule tt i may reconsider... too late.. no pt in it. getting impatient in feeling for God... wat to do? duno lor, try to reach out for frens but sometimes jus v hard to do so... mebbe i should jus try QT and read bible... haiz back to square one.
aiya since so many things most probs come from these lo... since seldom go out wif frens sure haf no probs wif them de, cuz wan to quarrel oso canot meet face to face, oso canot quarrel on fone mah, fone bill burst. worse still, NO WAY MSG-ing man, hate it. jus makes me crush my fone. wish it's nt too late for God or some other mystical person to save me... ~waiting on euu~
